stuff

Leaps and Bounds

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 02:36:57 +0100

Father, it's been 95 days since my last confession.......

No, I'm not catholic, but I have missed pouring all my shite out.

What's been happening? Errrrrrr

After all the grief with dates and housing agreements, the council moved me out of my place a few days BEFORE the agreement ran out because they were concerned about my safety. After my ex/landlord hit me, they decided it would be better to move me. I was put in B&B for what I was told would be a maximum of 6 weeks or so. It turned out to be 7 weeks but hey, what's a week? I am now in temporary accomodation. The B&B was ok as was in my home town and rather than being an old hotel or something was actually a room in a womans house. It was hard as sharing a room with my 9 year old son as it meant my evenings were knackered - couldn't even watch tv. All our stuff went into storage except for escentials - which cost a fortune. There were way too many co-incidences to be comfortable. The woman who's house I was in was the daughter of a man my aunt used to go out with and she had actually lived in the same house with him and my cousin (the same aunts daughter) lived accross the street. Was all a bit wierd and I seriously just wanted to walk away but couldn't. Well, after the 7 weeks, I was put into a 2 bed flat. Could be here up to a year. No kitchen stuff - not even a cooker so my mum leant me money to get stuff and no carpets so have made good use of rugs!!!! I know I'm pretty lucky to have my mum to help me out with those things. Have to be bidding on the council house system to get somewhere next. Not sure that my friends are too keen to help me move again, but am gratefull for the help already received.

What else....... broke my finger about 5 weeks ago and still not healed due to tendon damage and crashed my car by skidding on ice a few days later.

My son was accused of stealing a friends jewellery from her table. Was really hard situation to be in..... No one wants to think their child is capable of stealing when you've taught them how wrong it is .... the items in question were returned but it has left some bad feeling......

I read on some other web site that bad things happen to people who deserve it.... do i? I'd like to think not but I sometimes wonder? On the other hand, there are things to be gratefull for and things could be a lot worse.

Wishing all (including me) a better 2009

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where were we up to?

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 20:29:54 +0200

I must get back to this more often, I guess sometimes everything else is just too much to even think about it. My eviction date is looming and I've still nowhere to live. Can't afford to buy even with shared ownership and private rent is sooooo expensive. Just don't know what to do...... I'm in a complete turmoil inside, not able to concentrate on anything....
I just have to keep telling myself, all i can do is my best and the situation will resolve in one way or another.... I hope....

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oh, get over it

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 00:51:44 +0200

the housing saga continues.... but nothing moving except strange woman has now twice knocked at my day re house still for sale. Estate agents said not to let her in as may be a 'chancer' but she has now booked a viewing for tomoroow morning. I told them the ex/landlord is wanting to let it, but they have no instruction to stop the sale and it's gone down in price again recently - since the lettings viewings. Oh well, i guess he's doing whatever he can - whatever comes first - untill either the lettings or sales people sign anything, it's still open.

The whole bloke thing has also continued to go tits up. After nearly 2 weeks of us stopping seeing each other, still no call or text and it hurts like hell. You always forget what it's like. Have been for a drink with another bloke but he's so quiet!!! And only half an inch taller than me too - i've not got a problem with it - but usualy go for taller blokes hhmmmm. Maybe I'm needing him as a distraction as I don't see any future in it - thank goodness I've learnt you don't have to jump straight into bed with a bloke. Otherwise, at this rate I could be accused of putting it around!!! Well not quite, but, you know!!!!

I just think it's about time i got with someone - but don't want to keep making the same mistakes with men and don't want to look desperate. It's so hard!!!! After being single for years, I know I can live alone and cope, but I've had enough of that and want to do stuff and go places with someone. Too much to ask? It's starting to look that way.

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next step?

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 23:59:13 +0200

what's happened - ok, the eviction notice, the crap choices i've got and my singleness. I wonder why? hahaha

I have ended the little distraction I have. I mean, after 9 months you would have thought he felt SOMETHING for me, but no. I can't keep going with the no strings thing and not feel anything. I have to admire his honesty in a way, he did say from the start that it was just a bit of fun. He would have no reason to lie or make excuses if all he did was come round when it suited us both. It's got to the point though, where i've been waiting for him to call and it's been a week or so at a time and not seeing him for a couple of weeks. I want more than that. NOt the full on, move in stuff - that would be stupid at the moment with my life as it is, but just to have him call or text and ask how i am and what's happening. I tried to end a couple of months ago, but i wanted him and when he called i said yes. He did say that if it happened again, he wouldn't come back. Ultimatums? Threats? Ah well, I'm sick of waiting and hurting - i'ts not making me happy. Shame is though, 'it' was very good. BUT, what makes me realise that it's probably the right thing to do, is that he's cut me off his facebook list. OMG!!! Hahahaha!!!!! He had said he wanted to stay friends even if we stopped seeing each other. It's not like I call and text and email him either. Never have done - he's one of those that if you chase, he will run, so have not been chasing at all. Maybe I should have shown more interest. Am a bit bummed actually. HAd always liked him from years ago when we went out at school. A couple of mates reckon I'm the other woman, but don't think so. I think he really is that sellfish. When we broke up as kids, the guy i left him for went and told him what was going on between me and him - no crossover though. surely something that happened 20 years ago wouldn't be an issue although he did bring it up?

Makes me wonder how fucking stupid i must be.

Surely I'm not that bad - all the self doubts come pouring in....

haven't met anyone in years... too fat? too boring? too set in ways?

Will have to look at rest of changes in my life as a new start all round i guess...

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where were we?

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 21:24:59 +0200

ok, have received formal notification in writing about eveiction. Got the date i need on the letter and have had my emergency housing needs meeting with council.
2 options:
1. THE HOMELESS ROUTE - sit tight, force landlord to evict me through court, council put me in emergency accomodation, then temporary, then 1 year tenency in council or housing association then as long as I'm a good tennant and pay my rent i have a council house for life. BAD points - 3 moves at least, stress from ex/landlord on move out day and threats etc to follow, risky where might end up (out of town?), shared facilities etc. GOOD points - council/HA house for life and cheap rent.
2. THE PRIVATE ROUTE - be assessed for housing benefit (unlikely) get loan from council for deposit and month up front (to be paid back in affordable payments). Use approoved letting agencies to find private place to rent. BAD points - rent will be about £250 a month more than council, 1 year tennancy at a time, need a gaurantor (at my age?)dealing with private landlord if anything goes wrong with property. GOOD points - ?????????? out of the "system" ??????

The council are going through my finances to see if eligible for housing benefit and will hear about that by end of week. SO, already my privacy has been invaded. Not that I have anything to hide especially financially, but you know.

Do i want to be free of the system or emerse myself in it? Is the gain of option one outweighed by the stress and pain that it will cause? Maybe I just can't afford option 2 anyway.

Most importantly do I want to put my 8 year old son through the stress of eviction and nastiness followed by at least 3 moves (maybe 2 if lucky) but with the long term gain and security of a council place? Maybe I'll be lucky and get one over the next 2 months on the council list anyway as have now moved up to Band C with the eviction. Maybe? Unlikely?

I just don't know what to do.

And to top it off, neighbours have recieved a notice through their doors saying a family from a local town have missed out on gaining a local property to rent and do you know anyone that would be interested in helping them. There's a pic of the house they were gonna have on the flyer ..... guess whos? Yep, mine.

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the wedding

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 22:27:06 +0200

wow, what a day yesterday.

A brilliant friend of mine got married yesterday. They've been together 12 years and have 3rd baby on way. Full church jobby. Hypocritical? Nah.

I wore my lovely new shoes, no blisters or soreness except a mild/dull ache from wearing heels after not wearing them for ages. They are lovely!!! No, I don't have a strange shoe thing going on!!!!!!

Horse and carriage up to hotel for meal and evening do. Had a great time. Whole thing was very child friendly which was great, considering how many kids were there and they all got a little gift bag with pencils, pad, purse/wallet and other stuff too. Went to the bar and asked for a water and the bar man rolled his eyes saying he'd never known tap water to be so popular!!! Hahahaha!!!! Sarcastic barstard!!!!!!!! I was asking for a bottle for journey home so didn't feel too put out, but was rather rude, but then on the other hand people going to a wedding should know how expensive drinks are, but, then do you want to be feeding your kids soft drinks all night? When a small glass of wine is £3 and not even very nice.... Drank enough of it free at the dinner table to be over the limit to drive but not enough to feel pissed. Am not complaining!!!!!!

Was a good day/night whatever.

Have dug out a copy of the origiinal housing agreement from 2003 and it turns out I have fucked up. I thought it was dated the 4th or 5th of the month but it turns out it's dated the 15th. My ex/landlord is gonna be really mad with me as he could have had me out by the 15th september rather than the 4th october. I know that he would never have got the letter out in time for that but he wont see it like that. Wait for the explosion. Fucking great.

Something else for me to feel stressed about!!!

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friday night blues

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:59:51 +0200

Not really.

Just the usual boring friday night. Son in bed, not asleep yet and me here. Am determined not to sit here ALL night like I sometimes do.

You know, even if I didn't have to stay in, I wouldn't feel like going out anyway.

My friend should be over with a bottle of wine soon ......

Have totally realised how uncreative I am. I had all these ideas about writing an interesting blog and as yet am still waiting for the creativeness. It's like drawing, painting, writing a story or poetry. I was never able to do it at school on demand and always thought it was because you can't do stuff like that on demand. Turns out I can't do it in my own time either. Hahahahaha! Wish I could. I guess this is as good as it gets as this is my therapy.

I will ahve to take the time to read more on here and see what other people have going on in their lives. Might make me realise my life isn't that bad. Or don't other people whinge their arses off like I do?

Oh well. There must be something decent on the Tv tonight surely.

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been and gone

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:17:02 +0200

Good old police have been and gone. Can't make a harassment change as a criminal case as the content of most of the texts has a civil basis. Bugger. Can get a solicitor and make a cilil complaint - expensive? I just want the eviction notice. He called while the policeman was there and he witnessed the conversation. Words like arrogant and sarcastic sprang to mind - but you can't get someone done for being arrogant. Shame.

Have not always been pro police, but they have been very helpfull and can't fault them for the moment. THANK YOU to any of them here.

To do: photocopy the first housing/rental agreement, send to ex/landlord.
wait for eviction notice.
take notice to emergency housing meeting and talk about the assault and texts.
hope the council help.
be free of ex/landlord.
move on.
start living again.

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waiting

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 20:25:18 +0200

Am still waiting for the police to come round. Rang them tuesday after the work thing and they said they would come round - no show. Had a night off last night as a few mates came over and the ex's sister called me. Was not sure if it was gonna be a case of blood's thinker than water, but she was ok. Rang the control room again this afternoon and they apologised for no one calling to say they weren't coming and they promised someone at 7ish. Now pushing half 8. They said to call again if no show and am loath to but for fact the ex text again today asking me to text when I'm free to talk this evening about arrangements for me to leave. If I'm gonna complain about him harassing me, should I text him back at all? Was hoping the police would tell me that and also they would be here when he called me back. oh, what do I do? Better get off and call them in a mo I guess.

How much stress is one person supposed to take? I just want a simple life with no scandel. Some people I know, seem to thrive on it and move from one crisis to another. That's not me!!!!

Am due some holiday at work ..... could do with the break but at least work keeps me busy. Ok, must make that call.

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chilli chocolate

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 23:51:23 +0200

OMG, yet more crap. The ex is an arse.

On a lighter note, in co-op this afternoon near the till (I'm a sucker for point of sale displays), I spotted some chocolate with chilli in it. I thought it would be worth a try so I got it and took it round my mates. I ate 2 squares about 5 hours ago and I can still feel the chilli in my mouth!!!! How bad is that? Hahahahaha!!! My friends husband commented "well, it should be ok, it's organic". My response was "Fuck it being organic, it tastes like shite!!" Good quality/organic ingredients does not a good tasty chocolate make!!!!!! Don't buy it unless you really like chilli!!!! Hahahaha!!!!

On top of all the shit in my life a friend of mine is having an affair with a married man. She is my friend and he is my boss (not hers). I've never felt comfortable about it. My boss had a BBQ so I've now met his wife and she was very nice, this makes it harder to deal with. What really topped it off though, was that my mate went too. How out of order is that? I can't understand how she could do it - I feel terrible!!!!! He doesn't know I know about the affair - but at least 3 others of my collegues know too and he knows that one of them knows. It's all wrong!!! I know that some people might be able to justify an affair and that's down to them, but as yet, I have not heard a convincing enough arguement to support that.

Nose to the grindstone tomorrow.............

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omg

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 00:28:40 +0200

Too much has happened in the last few days to really know where to begin. The whole ex thing with the house has turned into a real mare.

Saturday, I had to sit there while a letting agent showed four diff families around my home and then told my ex I'd been rude to him. I was upset!!!! I was not rude, I even offered the tosser a cup of tea!!!! What did he expect? I mean what was it meant to be? Like "Hi, welcome! Come and check out my home, oh, by the way, my ex is kicking us out because we can't afford the rent you can. Oh, you're on benefit and they will pay the whole rent for you? That's nice" Bitter? Not as much as i should be.

No problem with benefit - have been there myself, but crap, when you are getting kicked out because you can't afford an extra 150 a month and you work full time and have to pay child care? Sounds stupid, but I earn too much for benefit but am in the shite place where I don't earn enough to live properly. I would be better off if I earnt less!!!! I just want out now.

Countless texts and calls have ended up with him turning up at my mums on sunday to give me a eviction notice. I told him it was written wrong so i offered to write it for him. This was a bad move as he only wanted to give me 4 weeks, but for council i need 2 months +. He was then nose to nose with me in the street, shouting at me and calling me fucking bitch, slag and all the rest you can imagaine. Now, my son didn't see any of this but heard it all and some of the other things were shamefull. Then he went to slap me round the face and got me on the jaw and threatened to smash my car up. He buggered off, the police were called and they went to his to arrest him. He was let out at midnight and what was the first thing he did? Call me!!!!! I just ignored the call but spent the next hour on my back door step waiting for him to turn up - he didn't but had yet another day of calls and texts - all being logged on bluebook - thank you o2. I live in *, but he works for another nearby force as a civie in the control room so he should know better. There wasn't enough evidence as was my word against his as he didn't hit me that hard - but if i had pushed it he could have lost his job, but I'm not that much of a bitch. maybe i should have!!!!!!!!! At no point did i shout or abuse him and i think that probably made him even angrier. * police can't beleive he is being so stupid. He is talking about using a soliciter to get the money he feels i owe. Will have to represent myself if it goes to court as again, earn too much for legal aid but not enough to pay for a soliciter. Fucking great.

As for the bloke I'm seeing, I've only been telling him whats been going on this last week - have kept it to myself as he's just too fucking busy to give a shit. Honesty and not seeing anyone else are the rules but there is no support from him at all. Don't ever kid yourself about "no strings" relationships, if a after a few months, there is no movement, there never will be. Wish I could be that harsh. Could just do with having him put his arms around me and to tell me cares. No chance. Think I need to move on from him too. Being used is a thought that springs to mind.

I have my boy, but he is a handfull on his own and I could really do with a bit a happiness in my life instead of feeling like a moaning miserable bitch.

There is gonna be some crap ahead but then hope things are seriously gonna get better. PLEASE?

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more stuff

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 23:55:49 +0200

Saturday night......

special friend is fishing still and tucked up in sleeping bag to start fishing again at 3.30am....

Am sat here wondering what my next move should be...... landlord is an arse He has put in on the market and up for reletting as I can't afford in rent what he needs to cover the mortgage. The council wants him to give me 2 months notice ref section 21 of the housing act and he wants to give me 4 weeks notice as one of the 4 families that were shown around my house today want to take it up. I get seriously nasty texts from him and feel bullied and under pressure. Even if i get the 2 months notice, I could end up in emergency B&B - not nice. I mean, I work full time in a decent job and I can't afford to rent, how can that be. I don't go out often - sometimes for months at a time and I can't remember the last time I bought myself something. Worse than that, I can't remember the last time I treated my son to something nice.

have checked the legals and i have to wait for things to happen. i want to be proactive, but i can't. am so fucked off. am NOT feeling sorry for myself though.

this is such a big part of my life at the moment, its hard not to dwell on it.
need a keener distraction.....?

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Stuff

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 12:15:07 +0200

Right, my first time here. Please excuse the spelling as am using a laptop at the moment as my pc has died. Not such good news, but hey, sometimes it's just tough shite.

I've spent enough time over the years bullshitting on web sites and not being me because I've been too afraid of pissing people off and getting kicked off by moderators. This does not mean THIS is just an excuse to swear and be horrible about people but a chance to be me and not worry.

If you come across this by accident and feel like leaving a message thats fine - I'm assuming I wont know you and therefore it will not hurt my feelings so whatever. This is not however an open invite to abuse me.

Am thinking of this as a way to vent how I feel about stuff and the people I know and work with - a way to confess the secretes that I can no longer hold in - but of course names will be changed to protect people.

I'm not pretending my life is all exciting although there are a few little scandels knocking around between me and/or my friends most of the time. I guess I, as a person, am a little boring, but hey again tough shite, if you don't like it, you know where to go.

I spend my working life biting my tongue. I am bored in my personal life. I have a special friend but I don't come high enough on his list of priorities. I Have an ex who's house I live in with his child, he lives with his girlfriend. I want to leave and he wants me to leave but we are stuck for the time being. There will come a point where either his mortgage won't get paid because I go or I will have to find a home in a desperate hurry because he sells it.

Well, this is how it starts and we'll see how this goes.

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