what's happened - ok, the eviction notice, the crap choices i've got and my singleness. I wonder why? hahaha

I have ended the little distraction I have. I mean, after 9 months you would have thought he felt SOMETHING for me, but no. I can't keep going with the no strings thing and not feel anything. I have to admire his honesty in a way, he did say from the start that it was just a bit of fun. He would have no reason to lie or make excuses if all he did was come round when it suited us both. It's got to the point though, where i've been waiting for him to call and it's been a week or so at a time and not seeing him for a couple of weeks. I want more than that. NOt the full on, move in stuff - that would be stupid at the moment with my life as it is, but just to have him call or text and ask how i am and what's happening. I tried to end a couple of months ago, but i wanted him and when he called i said yes. He did say that if it happened again, he wouldn't come back. Ultimatums? Threats? Ah well, I'm sick of waiting and hurting - i'ts not making me happy. Shame is though, 'it' was very good. BUT, what makes me realise that it's probably the right thing to do, is that he's cut me off his facebook list. OMG!!! Hahahaha!!!!! He had said he wanted to stay friends even if we stopped seeing each other. It's not like I call and text and email him either. Never have done - he's one of those that if you chase, he will run, so have not been chasing at all. Maybe I should have shown more interest. Am a bit bummed actually. HAd always liked him from years ago when we went out at school. A couple of mates reckon I'm the other woman, but don't think so. I think he really is that sellfish. When we broke up as kids, the guy i left him for went and told him what was going on between me and him - no crossover though. surely something that happened 20 years ago wouldn't be an issue although he did bring it up?

Makes me wonder how fucking stupid i must be.

Surely I'm not that bad - all the self doubts come pouring in....

haven't met anyone in years... too fat? too boring? too set in ways?

Will have to look at rest of changes in my life as a new start all round i guess...